Power Rankings
By Joe Carrot

September 29, 2006

PHILADELPHIA—The Portland JailBlazers came into Philadelphia and withstood a valiant effort by the Phanatics, winning 94-78.  It was the most intense of this week’s matches as both teams are strikingly similar.  Both teams were undefeated going into Sunday’s tilt and neither could afford to lose a game because of the tight competition they faced in their respective divisions.

Ironically, the two teams giving Portland and Philadelphia the most competition, New Jersey and Hawaii respectively, faced each other and, get this… tied!  Now, Philadelphia still has a shot to overtake the ArchEnemy next week and Portland still has the chance to lose first-place to Hawaii after this Sunday.

Brothers Peyton and Eli Manning were seen hugging after the great game between their two teams (Philadelphia and Portland, respectively) but their good feelings might be short-lived.  With the way the Phanatics and the JailBlazers are playing, they could face each other again in the playoffs, and that game would be even more intense.

 

1. New Jersey Archenemy (3)

New Jersey crawls up from out of nowhere to take the top spot.  This team consistently scores points and is well-balanced.  The ArchEnemy do have one concern though: Steve McNair.  If he goes down, can Leinhart take the reins?

Basically, no, he can’t.

2. Portland JailBlazers (5)

With Eli Manning under center, Portland is just plain explosive.  More importantly, Eli has something his older brother Peyton doesn’t: clutch ability.  In the fourth quarter, there is only one other active player you would rather have than Eli—Brett Favre.  Oh wait, Portland has him too.

3. Hawaiian Punch (1)

Boom!

Did you hear that?  That was Hawaii falling to the third spot.  Hawaii is still a talented team, but they just lost to New Jersey and Portland just took the top spot in their division.  What cost this team was Philip Rivers’ inability to perform this past week.  It was almost as if he wasn’t playing.

4. Philadelphia Phanatics (4)

To the people of Philadelphia, your team did not win, but take heart: you still have the best cheese steak anywhere.

5. Miami Dolphins (2)

Last week’s win against mediocre Springfield just wasn’t convincing enough to warrant a stay at number two.

6. New York Ruff Ryders (6)

The only thing less impressive than Miami’s win over Springfield was New York’s win over Laudonville.

*Yawn.*

Did you hear that?

7. Seattle Giants (8)

There’s no question that Seattle is more talented than Springfield.  They just proved that over the past two weeks.

8. Springfield Pirates (7)

To the Wannabe Gangstas: see above.

9. Lathom Legion (11)

Since they won last week, they move to the top of the cellar.  But, they better do more to guard against their injury risks.

10. Omaha 9Ball (9)

This team has problems.  Firstly, they’re 0-3.  Also, their having serious issues in their front office.  On the bright side they are no longer listed at ninth.  Seriously, that was creepy.

11. Laudonville Legends (10)

There is only one coach in the league who’s worse than Tony Sidoti...

12. Connecticut Yanquis (12)

Dylan Curtis.

Well, Dylan, at least your team scored points this week.

Game of Week 4 – New Jersey ArchEnemy @ New York Ruff Ryders

Yous fellas is gonna be providin us wit some real quality playin in an othawise boring week.  But I think New Jersey will win and prove why they belong at the top of the rankings.  Firstly, their rushing game is great.  More importantly, their receiving corps is improving every week and is starting to act as a complement to Tomlinson and McNair.  Everyone in Jersey is just praying that Steve McNair doesn’t get injured.

But remember, Leinart is still better than Roethlis-whats-his-name.  Whatta yous gonna do, New Yawk?  Wanna fight about it?

 

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